Friday, February 11, 2005

Have You Ever...

Have you ever written a poem about a girl, and the girl was like, nobody's ever written a poem about me before, and then they show it to everyone, and then everyone thinks you like her, and she probably thinks you like her, and you think you like her, but then you're like "whoa" she's kinda strange (even thought you're weird too, but not as weird as her, and your weird in a different way)? And then you meet her parents and her mom thinks you're hot.... AND she tells you that her mom thinks your hot? And you're like, "so did she tell me that her mom thinks I'm hot because her mom really WANTS me, or did she tell me that to see if I'd ask her that, or see if I'd be like "tell her she's hot too"? How does a guy respond to a girl whose mom thinks that? Then she brings her bald dad to name that tune at BW3's and he talks about the only reason he played sports was to "get laid" and you think...."what a weird-o." Why not play something like bingo and get laid by old laid-ees with golf visors on and pull the reverse Anna Nicole Smith, because all you can think of is how old bald guys saying the word "laid" feels creepy. It's not like I'm not going to punch him in the arm and say "way to go! is that how you ended up with kids, playing sports?" And when you go to her parents house the dad has killed and hung the heads of a zillion animals, and you feel like there may be a spot left on that wall for you, even though I'm not from. Then you meet the married step brother, who's wife is MIA, probably at her parents, because the step brother is the most psycho of all the family members, asking girls to punch him and bite him at a small gathering where drinks were served. Perhaps serving him a tranquilizing dart would have been a better plan. Then he bit the dog because the dog bit him. And you end up liking her friend more than her, then after you like her friend, you like her friend's roommate, but that would just be wrong to ask the friend's roommate out when she's the last girl standing after the others pass out from binge drinking. So home you go....mmm WHITE CASTLE is on the way. MUST STOP.

I'm frightened to just "write" poems about girls now. Maybe I should interview them first.....

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, you probably shouldn't tell a girl's mom that she's hot. I mean, think about how awkward Thanksgiving dinner would be...

2/14/2005 10:18 AM  
Blogger SirTalksALot said...

Becky - That's an excellent idea! Everything in my life I visualize on the big screen. Unfortunately, nobody paid the electric bill for the projector!

Mysti - It's either the Twilight Zone or Eerie, Indiana! Strange, very strange!

Kristine - Noway! I didn't tell her the mom was hot because she wasn't. A total Camilla Parker Bowles, she was.

Boozie - Yeah, I'm glad I refrained from actually doing it, but I was just perplexed by her telling me that her mom said that about me. I think it was one of those "answer correctly or die" questions. I kinda was just like "Oh what a compliment".

Amanda - I surely will exercise more caution next time. Unfortunately, I was drunk and wrote it on a bar napkin (like half my poems) and gave it to her. I'm surprised she thought a napkin scribble poem from a bar was even "thoughtful" at all. I wonder if she pulls it out still and sniffs it thinking "this is the beer he drank" then blows her nose on it.

2/14/2005 3:27 PM  
Blogger SirTalksALot said...

Amanda - Wow! I'm finally someone's hero! Napkin Poet to the rescue!!!!

2/16/2005 7:08 AM  
Blogger SirTalksALot said...

Becky - Illiteracy is welcome here :) (Mainly because I do stuff like that all the time too).

2/18/2005 7:19 AM  

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