What Is MORE Disturbing?.....

...Peter Pan with cameltoe or Peter Pan sporting grapes and ding dong?

As I was spreading Jiffy Peanut Butter on my bread, it reminded me how my mom would only buy Peter Pan brand peanut butter and how I hated it because "choosy mom's were supposed to "choose Jiff" and mine didn't. Later I realized she wasn't choosy about peanut butter because she didn't eat it! Thinking about Peter Pan PB got me to thinking about Peter Pan the play, and how Mary Martin, a WOMAN played, "the boy who never grew up". How does a parent explain that to their children? And what would be so bad about a boy playing the part meant for a boy?

Here are a few of my ponderances/questions:

#1 I'm sure at some point along the way Mary Martin's tights must have been pulled "too tight" when she was hoisted above the stage to "fly", most likely causing cameltoe. How did a parent keep from cracking up? What if a little boy, whose hero is Peter Pan, asked, "Mommy why does Peter Pan have the same parts as Wendy instead of a peter, like me?" Talk about causing a gender identity crisis!

#2 Is the rumor true that Mary Martin just HAD to wear maxi's with wings, so she could fly right?

#3 If Peter Pan is really a woman, then we have a reverse case of the Crying Game. And when Peter finally grew up, that would either make our little Wendy a little lesbian, or a little disappointed when she reaches for the Ho-Ho and ends up with a camel toe-toe.

#4 Why couldn't the costume designer just have designed the pants a little more loosely? Did they have to be skin tight? This would have solved the whole problem, thus avoiding any of the sexus testimonium, and allowing the proper person to play the part.

#5 (Somewhat Unrelated to subject) Did Peter Pan ever remind anyone else of Kermit the Frog? And Kermit always sounds like he has peanut butter in his throat.......possible connection?????

FINAL THOUGHTS: Mom's, avoid having your son think about Peter Pan's gender bending issues by being a choosy mom that chooses Jiff!