Scat-A-Gory's***

I saw an ad in the paper that Pleasure Palace was having a big sale after Valentine's Day. What better time to stock up for the future? So I decided to drive by and see what the dealio was. When I arrived at the said location, though it stated "Pleasure Palace" on the sign, it was obviously a Wendy's because it was shaped just like all Wendy's are always designed - with that greenhouse looking thingy that's all windows. So needless to say, it was NOT a palace, which was UNpleasurable. I wonder why they didn't use the Wendy's sign and paint the red head with pigtails into a saucy sex kitten? How hard could it be to make Wendy look hot? I mean, come on, ADD A MOLE! She already brings to mind hamburgers and fries, and that's the closest thing to sexy you can get in my opinion. Hmm.

While balking at titles such as "When A Man Loves A HIRED Woman" and "Where the Red Fern and Bush Grows", I saw that boobie candy was buy one get one free. So I picked up two, because nobody wants a uniboob, only to realize WHY it was so cheap. They were past the expiration date. Who desires to eat curdled boobies? Well, the hobo at the entrance beggin for change - that's who. He's blind so I didn't think he'd notice the date being expired and the only bumps on bobbie candy aren't braille, so I thought it would be a nice way to feel like I gave to the needful in society. Man, he gobbled them down quick! I never saw anyone eat bobbies like THAT before. A few minutes later as I was browsing through the half off half eaten edible panties, I hear what sounds like water gushing and splatting on the floor. The curdled boobies had given the blind hobo diarrhea and he was taking a splat in the dungeon display! That pretty much ended my shopping spree.

Hobo's misfortunate bowel movement had me thinking about colon cleansings which brought to mind colonics. Websters's Online Dictionary lists a colonic as "irrigation of the colon." Who wants a canal coming out of their colon? Why are famous people so into that? Is it because they're so full of sh*t that they need a special treatment that a good old squat'n'plop won't solve? Do famous people with kids purchase Keri Colonic dolls instead of Betsy Wetsy dolls? Oh and by the way, if you punch "colonic" into Google, the first thing that comes up is "Colonics Made Easy" and "Colonics & Colon Cleanser". COLONICS MADE EASY? I'm sorry, but, what do the directions on something like that say:

Step 1. Eat.
Step 2. Sit.
Step 3. Open irrigation system.
Step 4. Sh*t.

I don't know about colonics, but I do have an idea about what might make regular bathroom time a little easier. A toilet with stirrups and arm rests! Cuz you know how hard it is to push when you ate too much cheese! All I'm sayin' is that a little better leverage wouldn't be so bad, would it? The arm rest would be so helpful when you eat jalapeno's for dinner and the afterburn becomes too much, and you're forced into a standing ovation. You know what I mean, squeeze the buns, clap the hands, thinking the burning barage is going to stop. OUCHIE.

So I wrote a little dity about when I take a shi*ty.

Yo! Yo! This ain't no song about smiles and kissin'
So stop gasin' and listen
To sounds reverbin' from '[da bafroom
Boom Boom Boom.
My tummy's as full as a hot air balloon.
So get out da way Beeoch, get out da way.
SirTalksALot need a colonic cleansin' today.
Word!

****My apologies for the scatologies contained within this post.****Some events have been sensationalized***