No Hash do the Barney Shuffle
Per Boozie's request, here's an update. Though it shan't be the expected Hash Update, as I'd wished it to be. No, SirTalksALot was quite the no show, due in part to a faulty muffler, that Friday night after spending time celebrating his nephew's 7th birthday, dislocated itself from the car in a manner that causes the car to go 30 MPH up hills, backfire, and sputter while taking off from red lights. Yes, I was packed and ready to go to the Hash, but my car wasn't. My dad was going to loan me his Jeep, but he was called in to work, so that was a no-go. To all Hashers, I would enjoy to join the ranks soon, and soon as this happens, I'll definitely update the blogosphere. Though I don't know what it means yet On-On! (I hope I don't get killed for saying that without actually going to a Hash).
Thus starts my post and reveals my hatred of cars. Ever since I discovered cities with good public transit (NYC, Chicago, Boston, DC) I can't see sinking income into a vehicle. It's not that I'm such an environmentalist, or care much about the Ozone, though I'd hate for my favorite coastal cities to experience a tidal flood that never ceases once the polar ice caps melt. But I just keep expecting myself to get the balls to move to one of these locations (again) and don't want the bogged down feeling of debt looming over my head when I do it. When I moved to NYC on Halloween 1999, I'd signed papers on a 6 year $15,000 car loan 4 months prior. The car was a wonderful way to move because I only took clothes, books, and pictures with me. However, parking in the Big Apple turned out to be hell on earth. Every other day the street sweeper just HAS to clean up the trash that 2 million people living on a 28 square mile island produce when they fail to toss their refuse in an approved container. So if you get drunk the night before you're supposed to move the damned car, then you might not FEEL like getting up to do the block dance. The block dance, for those of you who don't have to do it, is when everyone gets up and tries to move their car to another spot. It's kind of like musical chairs but with cars and parking spots.......and I was always the odd man out, driving around for hours. So after a month of tickets, getting my brand new car scratched, and waking up 2 hours before work to ensure I wasn't late to work due to no parking, I decided having a car in NY was el-suck-o. Yeah, I could have purchased a parking space for upwards of $300 per month, but hello, I'm too cheap for that. So back to Ohio that car went to be a family sublease. God Bless my family for being sweet enough to lease my car. Anyway.....I don't want to have that situation again, so when that loan was paid off and the said car died, I just bought a used car from a friend for $300 dollars. The current car, a Barney purple, 1994 Saturn SL2, 4 door sedan, w/ sunroof (that doesn't open) was fine when I bought it, all it needed was new brakes and new tires, and a muffler. Done. I figured that work was cheaper than getting a new car with a montly payment.
Well....Now my Barney Mobile has close to 200k on it, one of the back triangle windows was crushed in with a rock to steal my CD player, so that's covered with black duct tape, my radio is now a gaping hole with wires sticking out, the muffler is falling off due to that cob job shop I went to, and the AC broke. AND...I still can't give in and get another vehicle. I guess I'm a sucker for lost causes, because, who wants to be like everyone else and get a new car. I already did that 3 times at the ages of 18, 19, and 20. I was never satisfied with the car, and I always wanted a newer model the next year.
Having a clunker is a blessing in disguise. Since my car's been backfiring, I actually end up laughing the whole way home....people look at me like I'm nuts (which isn't a new thing). Yes, I'm the jerk in front of you that smokes you to death on the freeway, and when going up a hill the traffic backs up for miles. Seeing people stick their middle finger up as they pass doesn't make me upset, it makes me snicker that everyone gets so upset by going slow. It's even funnier when people are in the car with me and we're all like bouncing around while the car sputters. Yes, a ride in the Barney Mobile is an adventure, but I'm sad at the prospect of my car dying....then it will be back to the ho-hum-drum of regular driving. (Sigh).
Thus starts my post and reveals my hatred of cars. Ever since I discovered cities with good public transit (NYC, Chicago, Boston, DC) I can't see sinking income into a vehicle. It's not that I'm such an environmentalist, or care much about the Ozone, though I'd hate for my favorite coastal cities to experience a tidal flood that never ceases once the polar ice caps melt. But I just keep expecting myself to get the balls to move to one of these locations (again) and don't want the bogged down feeling of debt looming over my head when I do it. When I moved to NYC on Halloween 1999, I'd signed papers on a 6 year $15,000 car loan 4 months prior. The car was a wonderful way to move because I only took clothes, books, and pictures with me. However, parking in the Big Apple turned out to be hell on earth. Every other day the street sweeper just HAS to clean up the trash that 2 million people living on a 28 square mile island produce when they fail to toss their refuse in an approved container. So if you get drunk the night before you're supposed to move the damned car, then you might not FEEL like getting up to do the block dance. The block dance, for those of you who don't have to do it, is when everyone gets up and tries to move their car to another spot. It's kind of like musical chairs but with cars and parking spots.......and I was always the odd man out, driving around for hours. So after a month of tickets, getting my brand new car scratched, and waking up 2 hours before work to ensure I wasn't late to work due to no parking, I decided having a car in NY was el-suck-o. Yeah, I could have purchased a parking space for upwards of $300 per month, but hello, I'm too cheap for that. So back to Ohio that car went to be a family sublease. God Bless my family for being sweet enough to lease my car. Anyway.....I don't want to have that situation again, so when that loan was paid off and the said car died, I just bought a used car from a friend for $300 dollars. The current car, a Barney purple, 1994 Saturn SL2, 4 door sedan, w/ sunroof (that doesn't open) was fine when I bought it, all it needed was new brakes and new tires, and a muffler. Done. I figured that work was cheaper than getting a new car with a montly payment.
Well....Now my Barney Mobile has close to 200k on it, one of the back triangle windows was crushed in with a rock to steal my CD player, so that's covered with black duct tape, my radio is now a gaping hole with wires sticking out, the muffler is falling off due to that cob job shop I went to, and the AC broke. AND...I still can't give in and get another vehicle. I guess I'm a sucker for lost causes, because, who wants to be like everyone else and get a new car. I already did that 3 times at the ages of 18, 19, and 20. I was never satisfied with the car, and I always wanted a newer model the next year.
Having a clunker is a blessing in disguise. Since my car's been backfiring, I actually end up laughing the whole way home....people look at me like I'm nuts (which isn't a new thing). Yes, I'm the jerk in front of you that smokes you to death on the freeway, and when going up a hill the traffic backs up for miles. Seeing people stick their middle finger up as they pass doesn't make me upset, it makes me snicker that everyone gets so upset by going slow. It's even funnier when people are in the car with me and we're all like bouncing around while the car sputters. Yes, a ride in the Barney Mobile is an adventure, but I'm sad at the prospect of my car dying....then it will be back to the ho-hum-drum of regular driving. (Sigh).
posted by SirTalksALot at 6/21/2005 08:40:00 AM
16 Comments:
u so missed the beer pong (which apparently goosebumps & i thought was red wine pong...BAD IDEA). missed the dance of the flaming assholes. missed the shitty trail that we gave up on (per gm suggestion) and just hung at 1 of 2 bars in town. missed the bonfire that singed the very tall trees. missed the frita juice. missed...nah...sorry you couldnt make it! next time ;) just get there, then you'll meet people...there are a couple people who come down from columbus sometimes.
I know, I'm kicking myself for missing...luckily the next Dayton event isn't too far off. Red wine pong, I'd have kicked your arse at that one, I can down a jug!
yo what happened to your picture? ive been meaning to ask you that.
ERL - It's currently in limbo. It worked for a while, then when I changed it I've not been able to get it back, so I have to start from square one again. Hmm, maybe I'll do that now.
Ugghhhh, my old car was like that. Piece. of. shit. But it gave me a good excuse to be late to work once a week and miss those family gatherings I didn't want to go to!
AMG - Shucks I don't like missing family events or non-family events, welllllll maybe weddings HATE dressing up in the summer.
Sharron - SD at least has a trolley. Columbus only has buses that run down streets with no sidewalks. HELLO city planners, how the heck are we going to use public transit when we can't get to it? Where do my taxes go (shouldn't ask that, eh?)
STAL - Get your ass out there, buddy! And then come down to Atlanta for the AH4 Red Dress run on July 23rd. That's going to be a great party!
You mentioned Chicago, Boston and New York and I was just about to ask why in the sam hell you live in Columbus...and then you answered it. I would like to encourage you to grow a pair, and get back to NY so we can hear more of your crazy-ass Buddhist temple stories.
Muse - Red Dress Run, huh? Well there are plenty of those at the thrift store here (I know this because for Halloween I was contemplating Janet Reno and looked through all the old lady dresses) Do they wear heels too? I'm thinking it might be: me + heels + booze = broken ankle ha ha.
Allison - I'm taking herbs to help them redescend, it seems to be a longer process than I thought!
Becky - I love it --> "your studliness" thank you! I'm thinking of entering this hoopty in Pimp My Ride.
No requirement for heels, necessary, doll. Most guys (and gals) run/walk the glorified pub crawl in their dresses and hash shoes or flipflops. What do I need to do to tempt you down here? ;)
thats definitely the thing to do! hash shoes w/ your dress. for the exact reason you stated above...i personally always run in some sort of very low heel flip flop thing for those runs, but i am an idiot at times. go go go! out of town events are always fun for the most part. and save your dress for dayton/sin city red dress in oct.
Muse - Atlanta on July 23 isn't too much of a stretch actually, because I'll be going to North Carolina on July 24, maybe I could just leave a couple days early and take a slight detour. You could tempt me with your beer buckets :p
VX - My hash shoes (3 year old running shoes) are SO ready and well worn. What... you don't run in stiletto heels?
STAL - Seriously, come down a few days early. It would solve 2 things: (1) I would DEFINITELY go to the RD. (2) I wouldn't have to help someone move. (Mitch would be so proud.)
And 3 year old shoes for the hash are perfect. I have some that are so worn that the plastic is showing in the back (I wear good socks). If they die, I'll just rotate in my regular gym shoes and buy new gym shoes... because you NEVER want to hash in new shoes. Bad idea.
I fucking hate cars. I bought a new ford focus in 2003 and within a year it was in the shop for a tranny replacement. then a motor mount fell off. then a succession of check engine lights. Now it's only worth like 4 grand, I owe ten and basically I am FUKT. Give me an old beater ANY DAY!!
in c-bus...your tax money goes to those great lights they got down there in the short north. you know. the ones that dont work?! the ones that will NEVER work! amazing. those things were expensive.
I guess it makes sense to have a clunker in NY. Out here, it doesn't.
Because when your car breaks down along some deserted road and someone comes along to pick you up (and they're ALWAYS creepy as hell), it's like a scene out of a horror movie where you're yelling at the television, "Don't get in that car!! They're CRAZY!!!"
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