Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year - The DON'T list

....well THAT'S not Tears For Fears! ....But what a wonderful song to ring in the New Year!

I don't have a lot to say regarding the New Year aka 2006, but if I did, I'd have the following advice for myself and everyone else regarding the "DON'T" list:

-Don't eat pork. There's a reason why it's "the OTHER" white meat. I mean, why isn't it THE WHITE MEAT. Obviously it was looked over a time or two. Plus, there's got to be a reason God told the Jews not to eat it. Basically, it's like eating a slobby human. Compare a fat person and a hog, and the only difference is a curly tail. I snort when I laugh... (ha ha oink oink) and I'm not going to eat myself. Would you eat me? That's cannibalism!

-Don't take online tests. If you have OCD you'll end up wondering why you ended up being an Orc instead of Frodo just because you like mud pies better than elf cakes. I'm sorry, but mud pies are SO much better and really I don't mind being an Orc if they get to play in the mud. Besides, if you hang with elves you have to climb trees. I wasn't so great at climbing trees....(begin childhood memory "oh God")....when I was a kid, my cousin, and my sister scaled the branches and forced me into the super tall pine tree behind my grandparent's house. We must have been 40 feet off the ground when my aunt screamed at us to "GET DOWN FROM THERE NOW, boy are you 3 in trouble!" Which was an excellent incentive for us to climb down into her arms, right? Well, I was 3 1/2 years old. I also think I was slow because I just couldn't figure out how to climb down the damn tree. Poor Grandpa had to come out and climb up and get me. Yes, he was disabled at the time. How awful! I feel I may have contributed to his back problem. And, how painful the feeling of my aunts whooopin'! So....that's why you shouldn't take online tests because it will cause you to go off on tangents remembering relatives forcing you to get into trouble.

-Don't leave home without a change of clothes. I'm sitting in a hotel wearing my uniform 8 hours after my flight ended for the day because....I THOUGHT I was going on a 4 hour trip. That trip turned into a 2 day trip. I was already enroute when the change occurred. The other flight attendants give you that "Been there. Done that. Glad it's you and not me" look. Well, now I'm off to wash my skivvs in the bathtub. Sure do hope they dry by noon! You see, since I only have the clothes on my back, and the hotel doesn't offer bathrobes, I'm forced to become NUDE. NUDE, I said (do I make you horny baby?) and remain in my room until my vital garments are once more crisp and clean (crisp?) Hopefully I'll have washed them enough to get the "crisp" out. Oooooo ooooo gross!

and with that ciao for now!

Seriously, wishing everyone a Happy New Year with an optimistic outlook! God Bless you all!


Blogger Lavender Dawn said...

Jews don'y eat pork because they are cloven hooved. This is before wh had safe pork... people don't die,usually, from eating it.

I agree with the online tests thing.

Ha ha- you're nakey!

Happy New Year!

1/02/2006 11:40 AM  
Blogger BananaNun said...

Pork? Don't eat pork?? Tenderloins, bacon, pickled pigs' feet - sooo good! (just kidding on the pigs' feet) I would starve if it wasn't for pork!

Good luck with the undies - hope you've got a hairdryer in the room!

1/02/2006 1:37 PM  
Blogger Boozie said...

I hate pork. Except for bacon. But it's all in the smell.

And, oh, god, that sucks about not having a change of clothes!

1/02/2006 5:28 PM  
Blogger SirTalksALot said...

dawn marie - truthfully I love pork, but everytime I eat it I get sleepy. It's evil! ;)

banananun - Oh pulled pork sandwiches rock! NO THEY'RE EVIL. See I'm possessed by a pig eater.

boozie - yeah, I washed my clothes, but I still smelled like a chili dog w/ onions by the end of the 12 hour work day. YUCK!

1/03/2006 4:21 PM  
Blogger Video X said...

hahahaha! i totally outdid myself with ham this christmas. so i'm off the pork...for now. anyway, your stuff up there reminded me of my friend patsy who had a pet pig named hamlet. sometimes she'd drop hamlet bits of bacon when she was cooking breakfast. i'm not too easily grossed out...but i think that's just really nasty if i think about it...

no online tests! they drag my self esteem down...and that's pathetic enough to know in itself!

agreed on the change of clothes. i rarely leave w/out one myself. i hope they dry by noon too! nude is good though! very much a plus!

1/03/2006 4:22 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

Some of those orcs were sexy, in a twisted sort of way;) And yes, it's been long enough that the thought of a nude flight attendant thousands of miles away is actually doing it for me.

1/04/2006 1:44 AM  
Blogger Lavender Dawn said...

what's with the tears for fears thing? its getting annoying already. save us please!

1/04/2006 12:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mental note: Always take extra undies and sox, no matter how short the trip. Growing up in the National Forest and having a bunch of prankster relatives, I learned that all too well.

1/04/2006 2:04 PM  
Blogger The Muse said...

Wow, the thought of a naked STAL? That works for me! ;)
I spent my NYs cooking, if you couldn't already guess that. And being even more confuzzled on the whole CB situation. Among other things. But I, too, may be in the market for a career change!

1/04/2006 2:36 PM  
Blogger The Foxybrown Show said...

Happy New Year and I hope this year is even more Foxy than the last!

1/04/2006 4:47 PM  
Blogger allison said...

Now all I can think about is pork chops.

1/04/2006 7:59 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

STAL naked. Yuck.

1/08/2006 3:00 PM  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

put I LURVE pork!! :D

hope your skivvies weren't too crispy!

1/10/2006 8:06 PM  

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