Granny and Gramps
Some quotes heard at my grandparents house, these are my dad's parents from Eastern Kentucky. They're the little endearing qualities that make them who they are and ain't nobody gonna change 'em. My sister and I, when we were kids, would balk at going there because they were so backwoods, country bumpkin. Now, how I long for the simple life. Keep in mind Grandpa is hard of hearing, so Grandma has to yell. He's 86, uses a walker, she's 78 and has arthritis.
#1: Gma W say, in her accent, to Gpa W: "CHARLIE WAKE UP! Ya fell asleep with tobacc-ie in ya mouth ageeen an' iz drippin' down your chin onto the pocket T-shirt I just worshed."
#2: Hearing Gma W say, in response to a commercial where a lady is trying to decide what to wear in a closet full of clothes: "Well, I don' have that prob'em. I know what I'm a wearin'. A sweatshirt and jeans, or a sweatshirt and peddle poooshers."
#3: Gma yells "CHARLIE, get in here! It's time to prick your finger!" under her breath "I'll prick mine too, see if can have me a piece of that there punkin pie"
#4: "CHARLIE, put your teeth in, supper's ready!"
#5: "CHARLIE, cover your mouth when ya choke so you don't spit on the Salmon Patties!"
#6: Gma: "I keeps me some flour 'round in casin' anyone wants me to make homemade bizkeets. But not many people are 'round for br'kf'st anymore"
#7: Gpa trying to talk with a wad of tobacco...
HIM: schowzwokgon?
ME: huh?
HIM: I said SCHOWZWOKGON?
ME: I'm sorry Gpa, I don't know what you're saying?
HIM: "Oh sh..." removes wad "how's work goin'?"
ME: Oh it's fine, same ol, same ol.
HIM: "yeah". bites off a new chew.
His wads of tobacco used to liter the yard. My cousins and I would be playing freeze tag, and it never failed, one of us would a) sprain our ankle on a huge dried hard tobacco ball, or b) step in an oozy sticky gross thing and have to go use terpentine to remove it from our shoe. Our parents never let us go barefoot in their yard. They said it was because of nails, but we all knew the real reason.
The best, though, would be mowing the lawn in the summer. When one of those hardened tobacco lumps gets wound up in the lawnmower, it launches 20 yards. We could only hope it would knock out the grumpy old woman's window next door. She was one of those people that had a snappy yappy little dog that looked just like her. One time she gave me a tootsie roll. It was chalky and dried up. I think she'd had it for years. I was afraid to eat it, I was 5 years old, and she looked like a witch. Gray fazzly hair, warts on her face. But it was candy so I ate it anyway.
The moments so uncomfortable, back then have become the memories I cherish today.
#1: Gma W say, in her accent, to Gpa W: "CHARLIE WAKE UP! Ya fell asleep with tobacc-ie in ya mouth ageeen an' iz drippin' down your chin onto the pocket T-shirt I just worshed."
#2: Hearing Gma W say, in response to a commercial where a lady is trying to decide what to wear in a closet full of clothes: "Well, I don' have that prob'em. I know what I'm a wearin'. A sweatshirt and jeans, or a sweatshirt and peddle poooshers."
#3: Gma yells "CHARLIE, get in here! It's time to prick your finger!" under her breath "I'll prick mine too, see if can have me a piece of that there punkin pie"
#4: "CHARLIE, put your teeth in, supper's ready!"
#5: "CHARLIE, cover your mouth when ya choke so you don't spit on the Salmon Patties!"
#6: Gma: "I keeps me some flour 'round in casin' anyone wants me to make homemade bizkeets. But not many people are 'round for br'kf'st anymore"
#7: Gpa trying to talk with a wad of tobacco...
HIM: schowzwokgon?
ME: huh?
HIM: I said SCHOWZWOKGON?
ME: I'm sorry Gpa, I don't know what you're saying?
HIM: "Oh sh..." removes wad "how's work goin'?"
ME: Oh it's fine, same ol, same ol.
HIM: "yeah". bites off a new chew.
His wads of tobacco used to liter the yard. My cousins and I would be playing freeze tag, and it never failed, one of us would a) sprain our ankle on a huge dried hard tobacco ball, or b) step in an oozy sticky gross thing and have to go use terpentine to remove it from our shoe. Our parents never let us go barefoot in their yard. They said it was because of nails, but we all knew the real reason.
The best, though, would be mowing the lawn in the summer. When one of those hardened tobacco lumps gets wound up in the lawnmower, it launches 20 yards. We could only hope it would knock out the grumpy old woman's window next door. She was one of those people that had a snappy yappy little dog that looked just like her. One time she gave me a tootsie roll. It was chalky and dried up. I think she'd had it for years. I was afraid to eat it, I was 5 years old, and she looked like a witch. Gray fazzly hair, warts on her face. But it was candy so I ate it anyway.
The moments so uncomfortable, back then have become the memories I cherish today.
posted by SirTalksALot at 2/23/2005 09:12:00 PM
4 Comments:
Bekah - Thank you! And yes, it's awful, I'm not sure why he didn't just put it in the trash can...
Becky - Salmon comes in all varieties at the grocery store: fresh, frozen, canned. They only use canned though, it's the cheapest. Ooo Yuck, my brother-in-law left a spit cup that my sister almost gulped once. She gags every time she smells Skoal now.
i think a reality show involving gram and gramps would be a hit!
Dawn
webmiztris.diaryland.com
Ummm, yeah. My Gramma is from a small mining town in Souf Central PA. She wears peddle pushers, uses the worsher (and visits Worshingon, DC, occasionallY), and makes crappy salmon cakes from canned salmon.
Perhaps they are sisters?
Webmiz - You're tellin' me! That was just a regular night, imagine the holidays!
Boozie - They could be sisters, but my nanna's Salmon Patties are YUM! I love it! "Worshington, DC". I have to get some "worshboard" abs before summer, no more salmon patties for me!
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