Breathe & Lick 'N' Stutter, Breathe & Lick 'N' Stutter, REPEAT!
INQUISITION
You know that song by Faith Hill "I Can Feel You Breathe" I never got that. Like does that mean someone is sitting there breathing so hard on her that her hair's blowing back in the breath-breeze? Or does it mean she's laying her head on someone's stomach? It would occur to me that if this is "the morning after" and she's lounging there and someone's breathing on her, the song should really be "I can feel you breathe......and it stinks." But, if she's resting her head on a stomach area and her head is rising and falling with the breathing, the song title should be "I can feel you breathe.....and I think I just heard your stomach gurgle." Y'all know what I mean! You've heard your honey's tummy rumble before. Can I get a witness? I laid my head on my ex-girlfriend's stomach exactly once and heard in a deep demonic voice "THERE IS NO DANA ONLY ZUEL". So I said "Babes, did you eat the Ghostbusters video again?" I'm not EVEN going to tell you what happens when I'd hit her eject button. Anyway, Faith Hill didn't release part two of her song, the title was "I CAN'T feel you breathe and there's no fog on the mirror I just stuck under your nose? CALL 911!"
PET PEEVE
I hate when people lick their fingers while sorting my papers at work. How many of you remember your teacher passing out papers and at the front of each row they'd lick their finger to start counting off the tests or what have you. I swear I hate it worse than a wet willy. Leave your skank spittle in ya mouth and off my papers, ESPECIALLY if you had chili dogs with tons of onions. Really now, my papers shouldn't be smelling like your lunch!
DISABILITY
I stutter when I type. Especially passwords. I'll start really fast..then right before I finish the last letter I think to myself...did I type that right? So then I backspace and start again. But by then I've lost my typing rhythm and I mess up again. It takes about 3 type-throughs before I actually feel comfortable hitting the ENTER key. Cuz we all know how annoying it is to be locked out of a system for entering the wrong password. Then you have to call the "HELP"(less) desk. I'm surprised companies haven't started charging those password mistakes back to the user. I'd be working for free if that were to be implemented. Oh wait, I practically work for free ANYWAY. Maybe I should be making more password mistakes then.....(evil laughter).
You know that song by Faith Hill "I Can Feel You Breathe" I never got that. Like does that mean someone is sitting there breathing so hard on her that her hair's blowing back in the breath-breeze? Or does it mean she's laying her head on someone's stomach? It would occur to me that if this is "the morning after" and she's lounging there and someone's breathing on her, the song should really be "I can feel you breathe......and it stinks." But, if she's resting her head on a stomach area and her head is rising and falling with the breathing, the song title should be "I can feel you breathe.....and I think I just heard your stomach gurgle." Y'all know what I mean! You've heard your honey's tummy rumble before. Can I get a witness? I laid my head on my ex-girlfriend's stomach exactly once and heard in a deep demonic voice "THERE IS NO DANA ONLY ZUEL". So I said "Babes, did you eat the Ghostbusters video again?" I'm not EVEN going to tell you what happens when I'd hit her eject button. Anyway, Faith Hill didn't release part two of her song, the title was "I CAN'T feel you breathe and there's no fog on the mirror I just stuck under your nose? CALL 911!"
PET PEEVE
I hate when people lick their fingers while sorting my papers at work. How many of you remember your teacher passing out papers and at the front of each row they'd lick their finger to start counting off the tests or what have you. I swear I hate it worse than a wet willy. Leave your skank spittle in ya mouth and off my papers, ESPECIALLY if you had chili dogs with tons of onions. Really now, my papers shouldn't be smelling like your lunch!
DISABILITY
I stutter when I type. Especially passwords. I'll start really fast..then right before I finish the last letter I think to myself...did I type that right? So then I backspace and start again. But by then I've lost my typing rhythm and I mess up again. It takes about 3 type-throughs before I actually feel comfortable hitting the ENTER key. Cuz we all know how annoying it is to be locked out of a system for entering the wrong password. Then you have to call the "HELP"(less) desk. I'm surprised companies haven't started charging those password mistakes back to the user. I'd be working for free if that were to be implemented. Oh wait, I practically work for free ANYWAY. Maybe I should be making more password mistakes then.....(evil laughter).
posted by SirTalksALot at 8/25/2005 08:07:00 AM
21 Comments:
When I first read that title, I was instantly transported to the summer right after college graduation, where I found myself laughing so hard (at basically nothing), all the while reminding myself "chew, then laugh" as I tried not to choke chips & salsa.
And I'm so with you on the typing-stutter. I find myself having to retype my name to the point where I think I forget how to spell.
Hahaha, "There is no Dana, only Zuel!!" Priceless.
I typing-stutter, too, only before now I never knew what to call it. I thank you, SirTaL, for this gift of knowledge.
Ha ha ha, I also got a good laugh out of the Ghostbusters reference...sometimes you're really funny!
I think the Faith Hill song is actually about heavy breathing. hehehe.
"Lick"-- that is just one annoying thing people do. Here in wyoming, aka deepest pit of hell, people are very unprofessional. Wide maw gum chewers top my list of ick! I so did not need to see that today! Or, we're on the phone! take the gum out of your mouth!! I - can - hear - you - chewing!
And while you're at it, get off the counter!!!
my stomach growls SO loudly that sometimes it scares my cats. now THAT'S a growl!
and I agree about the teacher spit. that's just nasty. just like when moms use spit to wipe dirt off of a child's face. It's like, mom, I'd rather smell like dirt than spit. gross. I hate when she does that to me. ;)
I hate it when people lick their fingers while counting out our change. Yeah, really hate that.
Don't waste your time psychoanalyzing Faith Hill, silly! She's not sure what she's singing at all...I mean, you can't exactly melt into someone either, but she claims such a fate has become her. Just hope no one ever says to you that they can feel you breathe; that's probably your cue to run, since I'm guessing it's the feds.
the muse - "I'll take you there, arubba arubba" Glad I could be the medium for good memories ;)
Anon Midwest Girl - that line may very well be my first mimic of a movie line. It's near the top of my favs list.
Boozie - thank ya, lady! I aim to make people squirt pop out their nose. (not always achieved, but tried, none the less)
allison - from a panic attack? or running too much? ;)
dawn marie - Wyoming sounds like the Kentucky of the West. (new state motto perhaps?)
webmiz - so the cats are all "RUN mom's hungry and might eat us! MEOOOOOWwww-t-of-the-way!!!" For some reason the thought of a mom's spit drying near a child's nose makes me feel ill. (why, I'm not sure).
drink more jack - I'm hoping you mean paper money, cuz if people are spitting on coins, your town is wacked-out man! Either way spit is spit and iz grody, yes.
becky - couldn't agree more. there should be a law posted "Keep spit in your mouth, where it belongs"
rockerscience - Listen here, you, "I eat my dinner with a spork!" person. I like Faith Hill, too. Actually I might love her, but that's beside the point. If Faith Hill dressed up like a nurse, I'd VERY much pretend to be choking. Then when she dared me to breathe I'd double dog dare her to strip! Yeah, that's it, that's it! At that "juncture"(<--Bush-ism) the song's lyrics would need to be changed to "I can hear you breathe...faster and faster".
Earth to Mars. Hello, come in? Uhm, she's my EX, so bless her? No. I don't think so. Have lunch with her next week, yes. And...I don't see YOU eating ghost videos to provide them a home, Mr. All Talk and No Action. Speaking of Ghost (the movie) we were trying to figure out a team activity in our meeting at work yesterday, and some girl recommended we all go make pottery HA! I turned to her and said "Like in "GHOST"? She turned 3 shades or red cuz everyone was laughin. I wonder if she had just rented the movie or something and that's where idea came from. Oh...we're going to the Corn Maze in Granville instead. Corn (Maize) ha ha ha ha. Too bad it's not a Popcorn Maze or a Pizza, Pizza, Pizza Maze, I'd just eat my way through.
habibi - you're right, she probably doesn't see musical notes or lyrics, but dollar signs, so the actual meaning is lost. However, melt can also mean soften, so I can see two people "softening" together. Lord knows my muscles softened into a ton of fat after getting comfortable in a relationship. Those feds, and the IRS, make me STOP breathing at the mention of tax audit!
hahahaha! [thats to the ghostbusters...best comparison i've ever heard]
never got that about that song either...but then i'm not a very sentimental type. like the "oh this is our song" thing...makes me feel weird.
video - thank ya! and...yeah, the only song I'd say "yes" to as an 'our song' thing if a future GF decided that would be needed would be "All Star" by Smash Mouth. LOL Romantic right?
Ok...I have seen this blog before however, why is it that I cannot remember seeing you on the show
I'd like to say that the finger licking thing grosses me out too, but i know that i do it sometimes...you know how i know?
Hand lotion tastes awful.
The finger licking doesn't bother me a bit... so I'm commenting on the password thing. I do that all the time. Funny thing, I don't do it when I'm drinking... you would think it would be the other way around.
Uh, oh. I'm a teacher and I lick my fingers when passing out papers.
I will cease and desist immediately.
foxybrown - you've been here before and not commented? WHYYYYYYYYY? I stopped over Friday for my premier visit to your show, many more to follow.
shy - I think KFC started all this finger licking. Finger licking good? I don't think so....finger licking gross! Hopefully your insides are moisturized by the lotion consumption, though. I've eaten a chapstick once, but never lotion.
rachael - Nah, alcohol makes everthing better, even typing. But don't forget to put your office chair seatbelt on if you're typing really fast. One false move at typing speeds of 100wpm or more and your ass could be thrown from your chair and into the wastebasket. Talk about shameful! Walking into the ER with a wastebasket stuck to your ass.
fred - OOOOoooooooOOOOooo! Thank you for NOT continuing in that most disturbing behavior. Office supply stores carry sorting "goo" which will probably last you a couple years at least for a minimal investment ($5 at the most). Do you eat onions for lunch prior to sorting papers?
No onions. I'll be sure and check out Office Depot for the "goo."
A friend said my typing meathod was like rolling paws over the keyboard, what with all the usual typos. I'll hit the backspace key around 15 times when two or three will get the job done right. It is as if I think the backspsce will truly make sure I absolutely deleted the mis-typed password.
Skank Spittle????
Still laughing!
Happy Monday STA!
fred - awesome! tell all the other teachers too! ha ha.
rockerscience - yep, I bet she can be a witch. Some singers demand M&M's backstage, but she's more of the biscuits 'n' gravy Mississippi girl..and "mint julips, keep 'em coming' MOVE... I said NOW!"
richII - the power of backspace key is very tempting. I've tried hitting it to erase my debt, speeding tickets, and love handles....but it limits itself to typed computer functionality. What a jerk-key!
foxybrown - happy Monday to you as well! Spittles...taste the rainbow....trout...I had last night. OOOOOo gross.
That is funny stuff, tootsie. You maka me laugha...
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