No Minor Feet....

Last night I drunk blogged. To those of you I visited, my apologies. Is there no limit to my insanity? Well, yes. Yes there is. I, do solemnly swear, that I will not hit your sites drunk and crazy. Only drunk.The booze flowing freely allows my fingers to type smoothly and DUMBLY! After the blogging incidents, I was trying to watch TV and spilled red wine on my love handle which dribbled onto the hip area of my shorts rendering them ruined. Speaking of love handles, mine are shrinking. Less than a full week of walking to work finds me shouting praises to the glory of exercise. I mean it really does work. (How's your walking Allison? ;) ) However, exercise does something that anorexia, bulimia, drugs and alcohol NEVER did....make me hate my feet! Yes, it's true. The blisters brought attention to those plunders down under us. Thus reminding me, that I hate my feet. In addition to my own feet, I hate everyone else's too. Feet in general are sick-o, stink-o and yuck-o, so don't feel bad if you hate your feet too. Another thing, the word itself "FEET" sounds too much like "EAT". What's the big association with all things feet sounding like or rhyming with food items? It ALMOST ruins one's appetite. The following is a list of things that we feet.....oops I mean EAT (that sounds like an Alice original from the Brady Bunch) and was made possible by bloggers like you. Here's the list, Yo!

Boil - Olive Oil
Bunions - Onions
Corns - this one is self evident folks
Toes - HoHo's
Nails - Lobster Tails
Toe Jam - duh

Gosh it's enough to cause a foot fetish for food! Next pedicure all you ladies will be thinking of food and you know it! (evil laughter).

No really, a foot fetish, won't be happening here, though they do run in my family (Oh God here we go) ...."this was this one time".....when my aunt showed up to Gma's house in sandals, with a pedicure, and a new toe ring. It's a well known fact in the family that my uncle has a foot fetish, because as teenagers, my mom's best friend made out with my uncle and the best friend passed the tidbit'o'gossip along to the Information Super Highway (aka my mom's mouth), and now I can share with the rest of the world. Anyway, YUCK. I really was grossed out by the initial "enlightenment", but worse was seeing the idolized peds at a family gathering. It's hard to keep a straight face when people ask "do ya like my new toe ring, my beloved bought it for me for our anniversary?" Then you of course have to say "how nice, it looks great on you" but inside you're really thinking "OOOOOOOOO I HATE FEET, MAKE THEM GO AWAY MOMMY THEY'RE SCARING ME, PLEEEASSSEE!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT THEM AWAY"

*LIGHT BULB* Now I know why my uncle was always lingering in the grocery store by the pickled pigs feet! That sly perv! Oh well, I guess it's a cheap thrill for him. HA!

***I love my aunt and uncle, and I hope they don't see this, but I just hate feet. No offense to them.