COBWEBS on MY website?

Clearing out the cobwebs.....from my brain, my life, my (ahem) website. WHO AM I? I'm SIRTALKSALOT and I'm at least popping in for a visist! Perhaps I may even come back for a while. But I do know I won't be flying anymore......boy do I have a bunch of fun stories to write though.....I can't wait to tell you all!

The Ants

I like....
Pineapple Upside Down Cake
I like
No-bake Cookies
I also like
Tacooooos
mmmm
I like
Bruschetta
My mom likes....
to chew up candy bars and spit 'em in cup and leave on the table for the ants
The ants go marching one by one hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching one by one into the cup of chewed up candy bars left on the table by my mom HURRAH HURRAH.

Silent Pictures

A few weeks ago I went to Parkersburg, West Virginia - my hometown. It's the first time I'd been there in ages. The town has been changing with a new freeway cutting through many of the once picturesque hills. The same space that hid a cave my best friends and I spray-painted graffiti all over now has traffic passing through at 55 mph. An even bigger change, Grandma had moved from her 3 bedroom house on the hill, with the cedar, beech, and spruce trees - the house she shared with Grandpa for many years before his death - the house my uncle, aunts, and mom spent their teenage years, the house I had many of my first life experiences. The yellow house. It was no longer yellow as storm damage required it to have new siding, but in my mind it's still yellow. In my mind, there are still 3 giant white pine trees in the backyard calling to us to climb them. In my mind, the yard is still covered in clover, the aspen tree still quakes in the breeze. The utility building still sits in the yard locked by MY lock that Grandpa bought from me when I was six for a few dollars. The backyard still has a single iris near the porch and many ferns line up in the shade by the house.

And Grandpa.

Grandpa...still sits in his chair....in front of the TV.....smoking his pipe.....vanilla and tobacco fill the room leaving swirls of smoke as he exhales. The sunlight casts its beam on the green sculpted shag carpet. The back room is a playroom that my cousins and I clean and rearrange each weekend. It becomes our office, our mansion, our shack, our store, our school. Through the door I hear Grandpa's pipe clanging against the ashtray. Grandma's slippers scuff on the floor as she walks to and fro in the kitchen making, as she contracts it, "spag-et" (spaghetti). Things remain the same. In My Mind......

The aspen tree out front died a year after Grandpa. It was his favorite tree. Grandma moved to the 7th floor of a modern apartment building downtown. She has a view of the Ohio River and the riverboat/barge traffic lulling by with their cargoes of chemicals and coal. She counts them passing, observing the flocks of birds gathering on the Belpre Bridge as sun sets through a partly cloudy sky. 15 barges passed. Grandma and I go to get snacks from the vending machine before the pizza comes. Her slippers scuff on the floor as we walk down the hall to the elevator. We laugh as one falls off and is almost left on the other side of the closing elevator door. On the way down to the first floor, Grandma recalls that Grandpa worked on the riverboats. I imagine each passing boat reminds her of him - Silent pictures in her mind as the boats pass in silence also.

Did either of them know...?

After dropping an empty cup on some lady's plumber crack as she slept slumped over her tray table and retrieving it undetected........I ask the old lady in the next row what she'd like to drink. She pulls her glasses out of her purse, places them on her face, failing to notice the giant yellow gummy bear stuck to the inside, now squishing on her cheek and proceeds to order a tomato juice. I can't hold it together. I blew snot out my nose laughing........WHAT A GLORIOUSLY FUN DAY!

HAPPY BELATED SPRING!

Winter Break

I'm going on a winter blog break. I need to regroup, recoup, or re-something to recapture the creativity that I've lost somewhere along the way....... I'll still try to visit. :)

Happy New Year - The DON'T list

....well THAT'S not Tears For Fears! ....But what a wonderful song to ring in the New Year!

I don't have a lot to say regarding the New Year aka 2006, but if I did, I'd have the following advice for myself and everyone else regarding the "DON'T" list:

-Don't eat pork. There's a reason why it's "the OTHER" white meat. I mean, why isn't it THE WHITE MEAT. Obviously it was looked over a time or two. Plus, there's got to be a reason God told the Jews not to eat it. Basically, it's like eating a slobby human. Compare a fat person and a hog, and the only difference is a curly tail. I snort when I laugh... (ha ha oink oink) and I'm not going to eat myself. Would you eat me? That's cannibalism!

-Don't take online tests. If you have OCD you'll end up wondering why you ended up being an Orc instead of Frodo just because you like mud pies better than elf cakes. I'm sorry, but mud pies are SO much better and really I don't mind being an Orc if they get to play in the mud. Besides, if you hang with elves you have to climb trees. I wasn't so great at climbing trees....(begin childhood memory "oh God")....when I was a kid, my cousin, and my sister scaled the branches and forced me into the super tall pine tree behind my grandparent's house. We must have been 40 feet off the ground when my aunt screamed at us to "GET DOWN FROM THERE NOW, boy are you 3 in trouble!" Which was an excellent incentive for us to climb down into her arms, right? Well, I was 3 1/2 years old. I also think I was slow because I just couldn't figure out how to climb down the damn tree. Poor Grandpa had to come out and climb up and get me. Yes, he was disabled at the time. How awful! I feel I may have contributed to his back problem. And, how painful the feeling of my aunts whooopin'! So....that's why you shouldn't take online tests because it will cause you to go off on tangents remembering relatives forcing you to get into trouble.

-Don't leave home without a change of clothes. I'm sitting in a hotel wearing my uniform 8 hours after my flight ended for the day because....I THOUGHT I was going on a 4 hour trip. That trip turned into a 2 day trip. I was already enroute when the change occurred. The other flight attendants give you that "Been there. Done that. Glad it's you and not me" look. Well, now I'm off to wash my skivvs in the bathtub. Sure do hope they dry by noon! You see, since I only have the clothes on my back, and the hotel doesn't offer bathrobes, I'm forced to become NUDE. NUDE, I said (do I make you horny baby?) and remain in my room until my vital garments are once more crisp and clean (crisp?) Hopefully I'll have washed them enough to get the "crisp" out. Oooooo ooooo gross!

and with that ciao for now!
------

Seriously, wishing everyone a Happy New Year with an optimistic outlook! God Bless you all!

Brain Farts

....well THAT'S not Tears For Fears!

As I sit here gazing at the monitor, and hearing the sounds of REM blasting from a teenager's iPod....."that's me in the corner, that's me in the spot-light"...I really can't think of what should be written. I've lost my rhythm...."losing my religion". No brain, I haven't lost my religion! My brain is confused singing along with lyrics from an iPod. "iPod" - it doesn't look correct to type that. I mean when I make a mistake it's not something I'm going to spend billions on to market and brand my product with. But there goes aPple screwing me up, screwing up my languange, and not only MY language, but YOURS too. Ok, I'm one to talk, I end my sentences with prepositional phrases. Obviously, I'm typing whatever pops into my head....... so how about a look inside Sir's mind?

mind. kind. behind. ha ha. behind. like butt. butt. SLUT. reminds me of myself in the past.
I shouldn't write that. Oh yes I should, I'm exposing all my thoughts here. Hmmm. Hmmm. Hum. Bum. like a hobo? Bobo like that chripractor's assistant's last name from which I bought Carrie the Caravan. Damn, I wish that thing hadn't been stolen, wrecked, and impounded. $72 dollars out of MY pocket to the City for MY van being stolen. I should write a letter to the mayor about that. Yeah right. I don't ever do things like that. I'm not sure why. People do things like that all the time. *sniff* my cologne smells good on me. I wonder what other people think of it. My head itches. *scratch* Think! What to write? Bite. Bite me. See. Pee. Whoopty-dee. Free. Hmmm, I wonder what Happy Hour has free food today? Double-Damn, I'm not drinking today. I really don't feel like it. I had a weird dream that this guy I know that works at Delta was in the Crew Room and I was wondering why he was in there because I don't work directly for Delta. I was afraid he was going to bust me for a non-reg tie. Was that when the phone rang and woke me up? Ok this is all shitty. Time to hit publish and go.

Sorry for the ramblings of thought (or thoughtlessness).