Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I'm Back, but I'm Breakin Free

Howdy everyone! Whew what a whirlwind of activities.....

Last Monday I sent my resume and cover letter to job application I saw online. That Tuesday they called me to set up an interview! The interview was set up for yesterday in Indianapolis (yuck) and so I took the day off and went. They want me to start this coming Monday! I'm just like WHOA!'s amazing what prayer will do! Though I can't give a 2 weeks notice to my current employer, I really think it's time to move on and get out from behind this computer. Without being specific, it's a job that travels, so I get to do what I love - travel - while earning money.

Meanwhile, last Wednesday one of my friends had a bar bash, so I was trashed. Thursday, N. had tickets to a new show that opened, which was fun, but not the best show 2CO's (theatre company) has done. Afterwards we had a bunch of drinks, she told me about her love life, I told her about my lack thereof. Friday I finally thought I'd be able to sleep for a while after work, but NO. Some chic at work called me and said she had an extra (free) ticket to the Funny Bone Comedy Club, so....I went. It was free afterall. Got drunk. Saturday I ran some errands for my parents which took up a couple hours. Then I was off to the airport to pick up my best bud from NYC and get free chocolate from my cousin at the chocolate store. We met D. for dinner at a mexican place where A(nyc) met Mo. But she was working so couldn't hang long. After that we went for coffee at Starbuck's and planned the night's debaucheries. So A went to his hotel, then came to my house where D was meeting us while I purtied up and got my buzz going with vodka screwdrivers. A, D, and I went to the bars, where I ran into a couple friends that just relocated from New Orleans (they're doing great with an apartment, jobs, and making friends) so the 5 of us made a gang and went to rob people on the street. I'M KIDDING! We just kept drinking. Meanwhile JJ (blonde beauty) and DP call R and say they're near, not to leave the club until they get there to meet us all. Then someone mentions it's someone's birthday and I say let's all go to 123, and somehow I must have said the wrong place cuz half of them go to the place I said but didn't mean because we were at 456, luckily its half a block away but DP get's pissed and causes a scene because he had to pay $2 for a cover charge for a club we weren't going to. Everyone else was like "boo hoo" and I even apologized. But that broke up the party and we all went our ways.

The next day A wanted to get cheap food from Wal Mart and pack his bags full since NYC food is so expensive, so we spent lots of time there. The rest of the time was site seeing (not much to see in Columbus ha ha). And then I dropped him off at the airport on Monday evening. Then it was back to the office to get my interview shit together and printed, and the application package filled out for Tuesday (yesterday). I woke up at 4 AM after not sleeping very well because I was nervous. I wore a black suit w/ a bright blue (weird darker than aqua-ish) shirt w/ a black tie. I thought it might have been too much black for the interview, but it's the only suit that fits, and a white shirt was too funeral like.......but I must admit I was the best dressed of all the interviewees. Well, I'm thanking God today for such a great blessing because for the longest time I've been going through the motions of living with no real conviction, but this reinvigorates me. Now I'm off to give me 3 day notice to my boss. He's new and pretty cool, but I still feel like a heel.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the next few weeks as I finish up my job in Columbus, move all my stuff except clothes to my parents, and go through 3 weeks of intense testing and training. I don't think I'll have much time for blogging (Friday's my last day sitting in front of a computer) until I find out what city I'm going to actually live in (NYC hopefully) after the 3 weeks, but I will miss you all, and if possible, I'll post an update as soon as I can!

Spread the love like cream cheese on a bagel (thick) and see ya soon!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Lazy From the Get-Go

Recollections of childhood bring me to one, and only one, conclusion. I am super lazy. Well, I know I'm a dork and a geek too, but in conjunction, I'm also a lazy ass....

At the age of 7 my uncle gifted me with a set of children's encyclopedias. Most kids probably would have just thrown them in the corner and used them for researching school projects, not me. I read each one from cover to cover. At night, after I came in from playing with the neighborhood brats, I would hurry up and get ready for bed so I could lay there and read until I fell asleep. I learned the natural resources, populations, and cultural heritages of countries around the world. China fascinated me, one in particular item about their history was awe inspiring - Chinese Water Clocks. I must have been like Ralphie from A Christmas Story and his Red Rider Bee-Bee Gun. I was obsessed with the encyclopedia page about Chinese Water Clocks. The color animation drawing showed a Chinese man with his China Man Hat, in a kimono type robe and a thin very long beard and moustache. Stereo typically his fingers were intertwined in front of him as he bowed ceremoniously to check the time. Neeeeaaaatttt-o......

Science Fair time was rolling around and when the teacher asked us our science project theme mine was naturally Chinese Water Clocks. My enthusiasm in describing them must have excited a few of my friends too, because they couldn't wait to see my project. Looking at the drawing it appeared to be a pretty easy and simple project. All I needed was.......hmmm. What did I need? As I tried to research and find more information on the ancient gadgets in the school library I couldn't find a darn thing. Of course, as with most things in my life, I procrastinated and thought, "oh, I'll just make one the week before the Science Fair."

Well, that week came quick, and I realized the folly of my ways. Building a Chinese Water Clock was going to be impossible! I went to my teacher and told her my problem. She told me I could definitely change the theme of my project, but worried that time was running out. (Is that real time or Chinese Water Clock time?) I assured her I would work hard the next week and come in with an A+ project, which was due as a class presentation 1 day prior to the actual Science Fair. Remember my old disease Procrastination? Well, it resurfaced. I spent the next week riding my bike, hiking the trails behind my house, digging dirt tunnels for my matchbox cars, I even helped my buddy dig for fossils for his science project. But my own poster-board remained blank as did the pages of the associated report.

The night before the presentation I said OH GOLLY! (I would have said OH SHIT, but I was freakin 7 years old people) and started flipping through my encyclopedias for a theme. My room started to resemble Chernobyl with books strewn across the floor and on the bed. A HA! I finally found the theme, something I could whip up in hours. I spent the next five hours collecting what I needed for my exhibit, neatly drew up the poster-board, used the animated drawings in my encyclopedia to match up the exhibits to their corresponding scientific description (yes, from a cartoon drawing I did that).

The morning of the class presentation, I was a zombie from staying up all night. I folded the poster-board and threw it in a trash bag along with my report and the exhibits, running to catch my bus.

To be "fair" the teacher took us in alphabetical order by our last name, mine happens to start with a "W", so I was next to last. The other kids got up and did their presentations some of which included:

-FOSSILS (ooo I helped with that! Look how nice, and how much work was put into it).
-WHAT DO PLANTS LIKE BEST? (this was a variation of light and water types over a 6 week period and the measurement of the plants' growth. VERY NICE, awesome work).
-TIDES OF EARTH (wowzers! they made a fake earth, and have bottle of water with sand in it to represent the tide......SWEEET!)

Eventually it was my sorry turn. I walked my trash bag up to the presentation table and unfolded it backwards. Some of my samples had fallen off the board and stuck to the inside of the trash bag. After fumbling for a couple minutes getting the presentation together. I turned my poster board around to reveal the epiphany that was my Science Project.... "ROCKS"

I cleared my throat and began my speech in a very quiet and embarrassingly inferior voice.

"Rocks are a big deal to scientists. Rocks help scientists know what happened millions of years ago. Rocks vary depending on the Geee-Lol-logeee...I mean geology. I collected and identified some rocks as an example for you. In West Virginia we have the following rocks that I have here: coal, sandstone, limestone, and limestone. Any questions?" All I heard was crickets. Then my neighbor that I helped with his fossil project asked "I thought you were going to do Chinese Water Clocks, what happened to that?" I monotonously answered "uh, I couldn't find much information on that so I switched the subject."

The teacher thanked me for my presentation, gave me my grade on a paper (a "C"), and told me to take my seat. I couldn't believe nobody else asked questions. WHY? I ask you!

The next day wasn't so bad, I faked sickness so I wouldn't have to embarrass myself further at the school fair. But thus began a theme......sucky projects.

Other night-before-they're-due projects include:

6th Grade:DO PLANTS LIKE COFFEE? Inspired by "What Do Plants Like Best?" (see above) The night before the project was due, I dug up my mom's red cabbage plant, put some dirt around it, put some coffee grounds around it, then poured some coffee on the dirt. I drew some lame pictures on how plants drink through their roots and plastered them to a homemade poster-board that wasn't really poster-board but some old white Formica I found in the basement and cut to the specific dimensions. I wrote a 4 page report in 30 minutes using information from the science book, and you guessed it, my childhood encyclopedia! The next day, I had to drill holes in the Formica to add a handle so I could carry the dumb thing to school, it was mega heavy to lug that from 13th St. to 19th St, but with the plant in tow in a TRASH BAG, it wasn't impossible. Naturally, I bent the truth to my teacher and said I'd been working on the project for 6 weeks and that the noticeable difference in the cabbage was that it went from white cabbage to a dark purple cabbage. That's right folks it changes species by drinking coffee! That teacher may have been a dumbass or just felt I'd done such a good job at lying, that I got an "A". In keeping with tradition I faked sickness the next day so I wouldn't have to present to the PTA Judges. Go me! My dad was pissed that I'd wasted half a can of Maxwell House on the project, but glad that I got an "A".

8th Grade:LIZZIE BORDEN, DID SHE DO IT? This was more of a history project, but equally unresearched, unplanned, and executed in the last wanning hours prior to the deadline. I found a library book that my mom had failed to return to the public library about Lizzie Borden. I cut out the old gruesome photos showing the cut up bodies and the blood, stuck them on the poster board and whipped up a report. Again, using a very stylish trash bag, I transported the project on the school bus. Setting it up and giving my horror history report on the murders of Lizzie Borden's parents. The oral report even included a neat little ditty "Lizzie Borden took an ax, gave her mother 40 whacks, when she saw what she had done, she gave her father 41" I'm not sure if the song lyrics are in the correct order, but I can tell you the class and my teacher didn't have any questions for me. In fact, it probably wasn't the best project for the "new kid" to do. It's no wonder I had problems making friends that year. Can we say psycho killer? That project earned me a "B". Heck with my new reputation as a psycho I should have protested and threatened with wild eyes requesting an "A".

And THESE memories are the proof of my research that I'm a lazy ass!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

NEW site and TAG (Thank ya The Muse)

Gorgeous hottie, The Muse, tagged me on Tuesday with 3 Wants, 3 Tags, but don't tell her I didn't check her website that day (me so so sorry, lady, forgive?) 1st round of mojito's is on me!

"And", "So", "Anyway" and "Anyhoo"....check out the NEW site called DinnerRoll by Rockerscience! It's COOL, it's IRONICAL, it' the link shown above! Debauchery is only 1 click away.


Fun! Let's play!!!

3 Wants, 3 Tags


1. I want to have a more positive outlook on everything. Even though a lot of times I feel positive and am in a good mood, I'm still cross examining life with a negative magnifying glass wondering where the fault of a situation lies. Some call it descernment, but I take it a little too far.

2. I want to see my plans of joining a gym and getting a personal trainer carried out. Everybody's doing it, and yes, I would jump off a bridge as long as the water's deep underneath! I'm not gonna break my neck goofs!

3. I want to write for a TV Show. I'm also open to starring in the said TV Show. Marcy Engleman would you like to be my publicist? Jim Connoly would you like to be my agent? Let's do a conference call with the networks aight? Seriously, I would like to perfect my writing style and apply that to a career in showbiz. It's what I like to do, so I might as well get paid for it, ya know?

TAGS if ya wanna: Video X, Drink More Jack, and Allison

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

TOP 10 Reasons I'll smell like Hell's smoke when I arrive at Heaven's Gate - #10

TOP 10 Reasons I'll smell like Hell's smoke when I arrive at Heaven's Gate.
(A series by Sirtalksalot, see them all!)

Reason # 10 - Lies, sweet little 5 year old, Lies!

When I was 5 years old, Gma made me a bologna sandwich, smeared mayo and mustard all over it, and cut it diagonally in half. I was grossed out by the squishy nature of the processed hog lips'n' sphincters, mixed with the sweetish-creamy white eggy-oil whip slathered with tangy yellow goop. When she turned around to "worsh" the dishes, I took matters into my own hands. Or should I say, I took a handful of my own hair and ripped it out by the roots strategically placing it smack dab in the middle of the sandwich with a few strands sticking out for gag effects. Surely she would be sickened by the follicly infected sammy. When I said "Ooo Grandma, there's a hair on this sandwich!" She turned around, looked at it, and threw it in the trash saying "well, eat the other half then." Oh dear God, please no! I hadn't thought to plant any strands on the other side. Stupid Supid ME! I'll show her, I thought. Due to the secretive nature of this mission and not wanting to chance being caught, I told her I wanted to go get my Tonka Truck from the living room. Well, while I was on the way, I naturally plucked a few more hairs and held them tightly in my hand. The truck in one hand, hair in the other, I ran back to the kitchen. Again, she turned around to dry a dish, again, I quickly lifted the bread and arranged the hair therein. In a whiny voice, "Grandmaaaaaa this half has hair on it tooOOOoo!" She looked me straight in the eye and said, "Ya know what I think, I think you put your own hair on that sandwich." I shook my head in deceitful disagreement. But obviously it was true. Grandma and I were the only ones in the house, and she had a course curly gray hair. At that age, my hair was a fine blonde.

And that is Reason number 10, Hell tries to claim me. I lied, and plotted against Grammy and her mayo bologna sammie.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Answers to life's REAL questions.....

Okay, Okay, I'm slightly less creative these here's another no brainer post.

Answers to life's REAL questions........

Q: Do you really want to hurt me?
A: Hurt you? I don't even know you, FREAK! Why are you asking my computer this question (and me)?

Q: Do you really want to make me cry?
A: No. No I don't. But if you keep asking me questions like that I may have to do things you don't want me to do.

Q: Do you know the way to San Jose?
A: Yes! They used to call me map boy in school because I practically know how to get anywhere. Where ya coming from and I'll tell you how to get to San Jose!

Q: What's love got to do, got to do with it?
A: I dunno, who said anything about love? I'm just here for a good time, should I leave the money on the night stand? "it" are you referring to the hairy Addams Family cousin? I'm sure "IT" was an elementary school nurses nightmare during lice checks. IT isn't going to be here will IT? That's WAY to kinky for me.

Q: Is this love that I'm feeling?
A: No, I think that's gas from Taco Bell. Let me direct you to the nearest bathroom quick!

Q: Will you marry me Bi-ill?
A: My name's, not Bill, it's Sirtalksalot. And no, as I stated before I'm just here for a good time. Do you accept Diners Club? Where should I, uh huh huh, swipe this thing?

Q: Can you feel the love tonight?
A: Uhm, it's still day time. I'm not a psychic lover. How would I know what I feel tonight?

Q: Didn't we almost have it all?
A: Define "it all" and I'll explore this question some more.

Q: Where do broken hearts go?
A: To rehab? Therapy? Why you asking me... I'm a heartless bastard. Heartless, I SAY!

Q: When can I see you again?
A: I guess when you get out of your K-hole and open your eyes! You're still breathing right?

Q: How do I get through one night without you?
A: The answer is's my picture, now I'm always there, even at night.

Q: How do I get you alone?
A: Well, you could try sabotaging all my other relationships. How does that sound?

Q: How deep is your love?
A: Shallow, REALLY, shallow, we're talking baby pool deep here. Watch out for that yellow part of my love, I think someone pissed on it.

Q: What becomes of the brokenhearted?
A: There are many answers to this.........
1. They whine to their friends.
2. They drink way too much, then drunk dial the person that broke their heart.
3. If they're female they may eat an entire container of ice cream, fret about being fat, then cry cuz "nobody will ever love them again..."
4. If they're male, they may stand outside the chics apartment and scream STELLLLLAAAAA.
5. They could become bitter, bitter people trying to spoil love for all those who try to find it.
**6. They could forget about love and get a blow up doll. But if they do that they should also buy a rubber repair kit.

**this statement is pure speculation, and not from the author knowing from personal experience.....

And with that, have a wonderful day! Okie-dokie?